April 1, 2016 was the due date of my 6th pregnancy. A pregnancy that ended at 14 weeks. We had made it out of the first trimester and had started telling our friends and family. This was my fifth miscarriage, and I didn't expect it to wound me as deeply as it did. It wasn't until recently, having finally processed the loss, that I can speak of it without being taken by grief. If I am being honest, the ongoing pain of this loss surprised me. I had gone on to give birth to my son Luca the next year. Yeah, it had been a battle to get there, but I had my family, I had two beautiful children, why was I still so broken by this loss?
I was far enough along that a DNC was necessary. That was one of the hardest days of my life. My brain knew the baby was gone, that there was no heartbeat, the pregnancy was no longer viable. My heart was having a hard time keeping up, my heart was having a hard time letting go.
I will never forget waking up in post-op, screaming one of those soul shattering screams and being denied my husband until I could "calm down".
As I weeped and called for my husband, I was repeatedly told by the nurse to calm down and given an IV sedative to shut me up.
I was beyond sad, I was cracked open, and what I really needed to do was weep. What I needed was to be held, I needed to be encouraged to cry and feel and process the loss that I had just experienced. But sadly that's not what happened. I was medicated until I was quiet, I was told in no uncertain terms that my sadness had no place there.
It's like the grief got stuck in me that day. It got stuck and it stayed there, right beneath the surface, just waiting for April first to roll around again.
When I set out to build The Sundry, building a place for someone to learn how to process something like the loss of an unborn child is exactly what I had in mind.
I recently met Melissa Saubers at an event she attended at The Sundry. It was during that event that the seeds for a Motherhood healing circle were divinely planted. It is exactly what I had in mind when I started daydreaming about The Sundry.
May 11, 2024 | 6:30 - 8:30pm
The journey to and of Motherhood is full of highs and lows, joy and grief, happiness and heartache. For each and every one of us, it looks and FEELS differently. The Motherhood Healing Circle is an opportunity for us to gather in community and hold sacred space for ALL of it, the breadth and depth of the Motherhood experience.
This sacred circle will be co-facilitated by healers and mothers Melissa Saubers and Danelle Keuck. We will start out by setting intentions and sharing our respective experiences with a sacred cacao ceremony. Then Melissa will guide the group in a gentle conscious connected breathwork journey to connect deep within our hearts. As we close with an integration and sharing circle Danelle will share sacred messages she has received throughout the Circle.
If you're like me and have a bit of a complicated relationship with Motherhood, I invite you to the Motherhood Healing Circle, where we can all heal together.
-Jess